she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
