I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
