the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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