Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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