and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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