I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
