something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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