she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...