watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have fence marks all over my body
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.