im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..