I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
