Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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