ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
