My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
