plz talk dirty to me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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