The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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