Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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