after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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