His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
