i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
