Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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