your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man