I will die if light touches me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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