Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...