I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.