wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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