Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
