Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize