Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
