He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
