why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
