so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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