Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
