We're like a lot better than the average bears
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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