im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
