He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
