we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
cat food counts as protein by the way
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
