We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
