I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
