Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
