This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
