AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I want a musical about memes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
