I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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