yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
