i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize