I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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