please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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