Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
