Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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