you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
