In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
