Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
