He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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