Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
