PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
