My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
