I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
