u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I want is dick and wine.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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