Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
