My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm too high and old for this...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
