Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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