dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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