Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
where does the pee come out of this thing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
