Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
