I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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