Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
