I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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