remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
