You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
