just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
