kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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