he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
