theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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