Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
