it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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