New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
