Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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