last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
