I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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