The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
