at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
