I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize