i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
