i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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