do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
